I Was Abused by a Family Member, and They Still Expect Me to Keep Quiet

by – Oluwatoyin

Some stories no dey easy to tell. This one choke. But if I no talk am, who go speak for the countless girls wey don go through the same thing and still dey live in silence?

I was only 13 when it started. And the worst part? It happened right under the roof of the people wey suppose protect me.

Blood No Be Barrier 💔

Growing up in Ibadan, my parents always emphasized the importance of family. “Blood is blood,” my mum would say. “Family no go harm you.”

But nobody warned me say sometimes, na family dey wound you pass.

His name was Bayo. My mum’s younger cousin. He came to live with us when he got admission into Polytechnic Ibadan. I was excited to have an older cousin around. At first, he was nice. Brought me sweets. Helped me with homework. Until he started coming into my room at night.

At first, it was just “mistakes.” Brushing against me. Holding me too long. Then one night, everything changed. He covered my mouth. Whispered things. I froze. I didn’t even understand what was happening until it was over.

And it kept happening.

The Guilt and the Silence 😞🕯️

I became quiet. Always sad. My grades dropped. I stopped singing in choir.

Mummy asked what was wrong, and I said, “I’m tired.”

I wanted to speak, but every time I opened my mouth, fear would grip me. What if nobody believed me? What if they say I was the one that seduced him?

I’d heard too many stories of girls who got blamed. I didn’t want to be one of them.

So I suffered in silence. Even when Bayo moved out two years later, the trauma stayed behind.

When I Finally Spoke 🗣️🔥

I was 19 when I broke. I was in the university, OAU, studying Psychology.

One lecturer was talking about trauma and repression in class. That night, I wrote everything in my journal. The next week, I told a friend. Then a counselor. And finally, my mum.

She sat there, silent. Then she cried. Then she said something I’ll never forget:

“But Toyin… why didn’t you tell me then?”

I wanted to scream. Because I was a child! Because you wouldn’t have believed me! But I just cried.

The Family’s Reaction 🥶

My mum believed me. But when she told my uncles and aunties, hell broke loose.

“Why would she lie on Bayo like that?” “Maybe she misunderstood.” “This thing happened years ago, what’s the point of digging it up now?”

One aunt even said, “You’re going to destroy this family if you keep talking about this.”

That day, I realized, they didn’t care about me. They cared about saving face.

Healing Without Apology 💔💪🏽

Bayo still walks free. He’s married now. He even sent me a Facebook friend request two years ago. I blocked him.

He never apologized. Never admitted anything. My family never confronted him. They just swept it under the rug and expected me to do the same.

But I chose a different path.

I started therapy. I joined an NGO that helps survivors. I wrote poems. I volunteered to talk to young girls in secondary schools.

The pain never fully leaves. But I’m no longer a prisoner to it.

Final Words from Toyin 💬🧘🏽‍♀️

To anyone reading this: your pain is valid.

Even if the world tries to silence you. Even if your family tries to guilt you. Even if the person who hurt you walks around like nothing happened, you matter.

Don’t carry shame that was never yours to begin with.

Speak. Heal. Live.

And if you’re someone who’s ever doubted a survivor: do better.

Because silence is what protects abusers, not families.